The Best Worst Steam Descriptions #4

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In this regular feature, we take a look at the best worst Steam game descriptions. Butchered translations, unwittingly funny sentences, low-effort proposals, candid usage of the space or a new way to express art? We cover them all, with our own snarky comments.

The Moment We Met

The Moment We Met is a galgame with the theme on warm. In the game, you will play the part of the hero named Mr. Heh, and share an extraordinary life with an adorable and girl named Quin.

Missed opportunity to call the hero Mr. Meh.

Mr. Meh lives a very ordinary life as a baker at “Bagels & Bretzels”, mostly selling bakeries to the local office workers from the buildings nearby. He loves to whistle when he is alone for the most part of the day, and he sometimes makes the dough in the shape of his son, Lucky. Mr. Meh enjoys his life and cherishes every day: from the moment he is greeted by the delicious smell of his little shop, to the moment when he picks up his kid from school and gets to spend a wholesome evening with his lovely wife and son. Until that fateful day he met an adorable girl, Miss Quinn. She asked him for a Pretzel with pistachio since she loves green, but Mr. Meh didn’t have any in his shop. When he offered to go buy some at a grocery store next door and bake her a new Pretzel, she said that she didn’t have time to wait and she grabbed Mr. Meh by the collar. She then pushed him into his own oven, still warm from the morning’s fresh bakeries. Harley Quinn made sure it was extra warm and cozy for Mr. Meh as she left the shop, laughing maniacally.

Weirdest Thing

I made a weird game, for weird people, like me.

That’s the saddest thing, actually… Here is a virtual hug for you and the other weird people looking like Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama. I’m sure the proceeds of the game will go to a real doctor, for plastic surgery.

My Fox Sister

The high school student’s leading role was called by a mysterious woman. Actually, she was forced to adopt a fox. What’s wrong with this world? Mysterious woman, you let go of the hero and rush to me.

Using the Steam description as a mating call is bold, but it’s a little bit strange that this developer is attempting to woo his own character. I guess Freud would call it a Hephaestus complex, after the god who forged a spear so sexy that he didn’t want to deliver it to Achilles and instead kept it for personal use (this story rarely tells the part when Asclepius, the god of doctors, had to extract the spear from where it was accidentally lodged—as it turns out Hephaestus had a bad habit of not looking before sitting).

Why didn’t the developer simply write himself as the hero of his story? Now it’s too late: the developer released his visual novel and he has become jealous of the hero of his own game.
What kind of story is that, anyway? “Oh Hero, dear Hero, I was forced to adopt a fox! It smells so bad! It’s unbearable, save me from my own nostrils! Aaaaah, it just peed on my favorite mysterious items, I can’t bear it anymore… let me have sex with you!”

Don’t blame me for this leap, we all know how it goes. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be people to buy these games.

PUSSY PASSWORD

This game is a very interesting project in terms of the fact that you have the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful cartoon design, pleasant music, to rub out on beautiful girls, and most importantly to train your brain with the solution of different mathematical expressions

Talking about games that were made to profit from lewd people, here it’s all in the title. And then there is the tempting interesting prospect of rubbing one out on beautiful girls… Well, that’s if you consider that numbers can be both female and sexy because that’s all that this game truly shows (false advertising!). It’s surprisingly safe for work, except if you lust after those damn curves on the 3. Mmm, just thinking about the number 33, my mouth is watering. I want to train my brain and other parts of my body with those mathematical expressions!

(Note from Léa: Eeeeewwwww! If someone asks, I will tell them that I don’t know you!)

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