The Best Worst Steam Descriptions #2

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In this regular feature, we take a look at the best worst Steam game descriptions. Butchered translations, unwittingly funny sentences, low-effort proposals, candid usage of the space or a new way to express art? We cover them all, with our own snarky comments.

The Racingman's Creed

It’s A Racing Game

This is a racing game. This is an ONLINE racing game. There are many games like it, but this one is mine.

“Me love you long time. You ONLINE party?”

Notwithstanding the Racingman’s Creed, I will take that developer at his word: don’t worry, it’s your game, I won’t touch it. You can keep it.

Erotic Colouring Book

Erotic Colour Book offers color-in drawings featuring a nice variety of adults drawings for every taste: girls, from behind, big, THIS THING and even more..

This game has been removed from Steam, but don’t worry, I got your back and I took screenshots of these female anatomy close-ups. You might wonder what “THIS THING” is, in an erotic coloring book focused on girl models? Obviously, it was a big tentacle, a natural body part of any normal girl. What else did you expect?

Escaped spacemen

Achievement Collector: Space

Achievement Collector: Space in this 2d action / shooter you play as a spaceship that kills spaceman that escaped. shoot the spaceman with LASERS!

I feel bad for poor spaceman that escaped. Why not give spaceman a chance and shoot spaceman with standard rifles and missiles? Do we really have to go straight to LASERS and not give spaceman a single chance to escape? Otherwise, he will soon be known as “spaceman that burned”.

Check out my ride, so much swag

Simson Tuningwerkstatt 3D

Simson Tuningwerkstatt 3D

Simson Tuningwerkstatt 3D. No need to say more. Simson Tuningwerkstatt 3D. The name says it all. Simson Tuningwerkstatt 3D. It’s Simson Tuningwerkstatt, but in 3D. Simson Tuningwerkstatt 3D. Completely self-explanatory. Simson Tuningwerkstatt 3D. Hail to Simson, baby!

Léa: This reminds me of a funny story when I was a kid. It was during Xmas, many years ago. With Loki and the rest of the family, we were at our grandparent’s house in the countryside, and our grandparents received an answering machine to connect to their phone, as a Xmas gift. Back then it wasn’t very common, especially in such a remote village. One of my grandfather’s friends, a fellow villager, called our house to wish us a merry Xmas. He got the answering machine, completely caught unaware by the strange voice suddenly talking to him. Helpless, all he could muster before hanging up was to say his name with a cavernous voice, “Strudel Klaus”. Once we played the tape, we couldn’t stop laughing and spent the rest of the night addressing each other as “Strudel Klaus” with a serious face.

Loki: Ha, yes, I remember. Happy times!

History books have better graphics than I remember

Medieval Battle Simulator

“Medieval Battle Simulator” is an indie game that will allow you to simulate battles set in a military era with simple gameplay.

The medieval era! All historians agree that it was a simpler time, with simpler gameplay. Knights only needed to learn how to parry, stab or dodge roll, before there were all these complicated buttons for medkits, ammo supply, defensive turrets or ultimate powers that are now cluttering history books.

Yes, clickbait. Can you blame us?

Synthetic Love

Biochemist Victor (the inventor of the serum) and three girls go to the isolated private residence high in the mountains. They work, they rest and make experiments there. The serum has an impressive effect – your sex satisfaction becomes incredible. But there’s one unpleasant side effect – partial

When a game developer is too talkative, their text is too long for the Steam description box. Synthetic Love leaves us wondering as to what that unpleasant side effect is. Partial paralysis, we are stuck pulling our tongue out while making sweet love? Partial invisibility, sex is good but only if you can find your partner? Partial decomposition, a byproduct of Biochemist Victor Frankenstein’s attempts to raise the dead thing between his legs?

To know what it’s all about, you will have to play the game! Or, at least, partially play it.

You have partial what?
3 votes · 3 answers

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