Fans outraged as Metro Exodus won’t launch on Epic Games Store


Missing file steam.dll seemed to cause this slight issue.

Fans of the Metro series were already outraged when they learned two weeks before release that the game was suddenly an Epic Games Store exclusive, effectively canceling its long-planned Steam release. A new outrage was sparked when all 1127.5 people who bought the game on Epic Games Store were not able to launch the game: the software checked for the steam.dll file and could not find it. Thus, the game believed that the legitimate Epic Games Store installation was a pirated copy, and refused to launch.

Professionalism has always been overrated. I mean, why would 4A Games developers or Todd Sweeney (Epic Games CEO and sole employee) actually press the big green “launch” button to test their product before pressing the big red button “release”? By directly pressing the big red button, testing speed is increased by 4200%. Now that’s a number that executives like to hear! And what’s more satisfying than pressing a big red button?

Think about President Harry S. Truman, when he pressed that big red button. Twice, even, since it was so satisfying the first time. Well, that ended the war with Japan! Now imagine if he had pressed that button, and the old-school room-sized computer at the time has replied “Sorry, I don’t see a correct Cyrillic password. You are not in Soviet Russia, Mr. President. No nukes for you!”. Which is why he first pressed “launch” in New Mexico, to test whether the nukes were actually working, before releasing the final product in Japan. Remember, kids: test nukes alone in your garden first before you show them to the world. That’s now a lesson learned by post-apocalyptic developer 4A Games. Metro Exodus has recently been fixed, and I heard it’s a blast.

Note: We at The Simulation also like to press the big red “publish” button on an article before pressing “preview”.

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