Blizzard will call the parents of naughty players


Even at home, you are not safe from Blizzard.

In an endless war against unwanted toxic behavior in chat, Overwatch’s game director Geff Koplon announced the opening of a new division at Blizzard Entertainment specialized in calling the parents of foul-mouthed players.


After long-winded discussions, we came to the conclusion that there was one main reason why many online players were indulging in rude and toxic behavior: they were poorly educated.


To fix the root of the issue, we decided that the best course of action was to directly call their parents and ask them to improve their education methods and thus their children’s behavior.


While here at Blizzard we don’t condone violence, we strongly feel that many of our most aggressive players are in dire need of a good spanking.

In hopes of seeing a cleaner chat that is easier to moderate, the company recently forced users who wish to participate in Overwatch pro league Twitch chat to link their Blizzard and Twitch accounts.

After he is done eating it, Winston will call players on his banana phone

Another plan in the works is to send pre-recorded messages of Overwatch heroes giving a stern talking to bad actors. As this pilot program is on trial, Overwatch player G1lles-Tourette was surprised when he heard the voice of Winston calling him on his phone and reciting the following lines:


Your primal speech made me angry. Playtime’s over, you will behave nicely from now on.

G1lles-Tourette asked whether his occasional profanities were considered worse than Winston frequently teaming up with unsavory characters such as Reaper and Windowmaker who kill for a living, but Winston declined to reply.

If you don’t want Widowmaker sending death threats to your or your parents, we don’t recommend giving your phone number to Blizzard Entertainment.

Are you a well-educated player?
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